Thursday, April 14, 2011


tomorrow is my big "judgement" day: i have my oral defense of my thesis. 

i remember being a kid talking with my friend about going to college and writing a thesis. i really don't know how we knew such things existed, but i distinctly recall declaring to her that i was going to write one. although in those days, i probably also thought i was going to be president and find a cure for cancer. 

i am, of course, getting progressively more stressed out as 9AM mountain standard time approaches. if i had kept it simple and only included my committee in this meeting i don't think i would be as anxious, but i included friends and family. what was i thinking? i just keep imagining how awkward it is going to be to have brandon in the audience. give me a room full of strangers to talk to at length about oncology social work, just not the person i love and trust most in the world. ridiculous i know. 

i don't have fears of failing my defense, i just have fears of blubbering in front of my husband and friends. apparently you don't get to the point of your defense if you are unlike to pass. fingers crossed. 

hopefully my days of being a cheerleader will prepare me for this moment (haha) and i can just turn on a public persona of confidence and enthusiasm. i never thought i would find a way that being a cheerleader would help me through grad school, but i think this just might be the contribution! i'll try not to pull out any pom-poms or "ready? o-k"s. :)

i am optimistic that once this thesis business is behind me i can get back to the blog. i have a whole spring break trip to chronicle after all! for now, i just needed to vent and get my fears out on paper the internet.