satisfied, not settling

things are about to settle down in my work shuffle. finally. i can't wait to hash out the details and share them with the world (i.e., this blog). let's just say, i went to test if the grass is greener on the other side and found out that the grass over there is actually quite bitter and unpleasant.

so, three cheers for 1) getting clear about what you want, 2) asking for it, and 3) getting what you worked hard for.

and just because at least three people (which is probably 75% of the people that read this blog), will get a kick out of this silly image, i am sharing it.

ruminate

i'm just gonna own it: rumination is a real problem for me. i can't let go of criticism and i constantly fret that what i said, or how i said it, hurt someone or was misconstrued. i wish my rumination would be like turning a rock over in my hand until i smoothed away all the rough patches; instead, i let myself get all scratched up.

call it the winter doldrums, but i am exhausted with what life has been serving up lately. february started nicely {with a visit from mom and dad o.} but has since left me feeling beat up and exhausted. everyone i know is facing big stuff, bad stuff. an anne lamott quote keeps coming to mind:

there was so much bad news this winter that many of us were left feeling kind of pummeled and disturbed. parents and relatives died, kids got into much more serious trouble, and way too many friends got a bad diagnosis. 

yeah, pummeled, that's the feeling.

- - -

in other news, brandon bought me this book:

i'm planning to spend the next 30 minutes drinking a glass of wine and planning for chickens and coneflowers and summer. reminding myself that seasons change makes this all seem survivable.

peace in the little things

i am coming off of a long, hard week and the hospital. i have been full-to-the-brim with chaos this week and have ended up working 10-11 hours days every day. this morning my alarm didn't go off at all and i woke up an hour later than planned. that little alarm signal was there, but apparently i pushed something wrong before i went to bed and set off a painful chain of events.

i can't think straight. i freak out about the most absurd things (that in hindsight are usually due to my oversight or error). it is time for me to sit down with a book and a few cups of tea. i need to recharge my introvert and savor my quiet side. brandon is heading out of town, my dearest laramie friends are all off galavanting about the globe, and i couldn't be more eager for the silence of this weekend.

i hate to admit how much the disorder of our house (following our mid-level renovation this past weekend) is getting to me. too much chaos in my work and in my head makes me crave a peaceful, calm, clean home. instead i have my kitchen haphazardly and temporarily rearranged, my dresser halfway blocking the closet, and piles of randomness spilling out all over the place. aiy!

my goal for the weekend is to find peace in shoring up some little things. like getting our taxes in order. rehanging things in the office we painted (and maybe blogging about that decorating update). and eliminating a few of these piles that are taking on a life of their own.