Monday, May 7, 2012

witty decoding

i just stumbled across this blog, suburban snapshots, and i managed to lose about an hour of my life perusing her witty takes on family and life. the author is quite down-to-earth in a way that pinterest and facebook do not permit, and she is a lovely reminder that the internet does not exist for the sole purpose of making women feel inadequate. my favorite post thus far is entitled spousal communications decoded. although she alludes to heterosexual relationships only, i suspect that similar things float around the homes of all couples, regardless of gender.

he said
  • i cleaned while you were gone. = anything i had to hand wash is still sitting in the sink fermenting what will eventually become the key ingredient in a herpes vaccine.
  • it's not in there, i checked. = when I opened the cabinet door and gingerly moved my head from right to left, then promptly exited the room, i didn't see the thing i was looking for.
  • does this shirt look okay? = does this shirt increase my chances of having sex with you later?
  • i have to run to home depot, need anything while i'm out? = i hope you don't need anything while i'm out, because chances are i'll take longer than the donner party and i already forgot what you asked for.
she said
  • i'm making such a good dinner tonight. = i'mma dirty every single pot and pan we own, even the good ones that need to be washed by hand.
  • 'give me five minutes, i just have to do a work thing. =  i just posted a picture to facebook and i'm compulsively refreshing my page until somebody comments.
  • check out my new jeans. = your odds of having sex with me later depend entirely on your answer.
  • i'm running to target for a birthday card, i'll be right back. = we have at least eighty dollars in the account, right?

1 comment:

Suburban Snapshots said...

Thanks for the shout-out! I try to use neutral language whenever possible in talking about (or making fun of) marriage and partnership. Sometimes though, my own heterosexual experience is all I have to draw from. Glad you're reading, I hope you're laughing.