Wednesday, June 13, 2012

vulnerability in all it's truth

i am to a place in my life where i am ready to become a mom, to grow our family together with brandon, & to pour love into a tiny little human life. the trouble is, it isn't just up to me. it is not that brandon is opposed to this heavy wish i carry in my heart every day (although he may not be as ready as me). rather, things just aren't panning out at work. i have been waiting & waiting to become benefited (i.e., to get insurance) but each month i am told "just a little longer." so i buy another month of over-priced, high-deductible, catastrophe health insurance in hopes of the legitimate university insurance coming through.

we literally cannot afford to have a baby because i make too much for medicaid to foot the bill but not enough to afford private insurance that includes maternity coverage. the university has decided to preemptively put a spending freeze in place--that's right, we live in a state that operates billions of dollars over the deficit line, but they want to be careful not to make a tiny dent in the surplus. i'm certain this sounds like a "whoa is me" pity party, but a lovely friend of mine reminded me that our blogs are places we can be vulnerable. so i'm putting it out there that i am sad about the way in which my job dictates this decision that my heart feels ready to embrace. sigh. 


The Ingrams said...

Oh, goodness. What a tough spot to be in. Sometimes things feel like they will never match up and then all the sudden, everything falls into place! I hope it falls into place for you soon!

Maryann said...

oh man. I'm sorry, Lindsey. I can't believe they're not even giving you a legitimate estimate for when the benefits will kick in.

I also hope this gets resolved quickly, resulting in full benefits and coverage. Thinking of you, and glad you shared.

Kathryn said...

I remember being shocked when I learned that Americans need to have insurance to have babies. But that's not the point here, is it? I too hope this gets sorted out soon (and I know all your parents will be hoping the same.) Bring on those grandbabies!!!

Becky said...


I know that ache in your heart I experienced it with all three of my kids. Insurance aside, I believe God puts that desire in our hearts and nothing (not even seemingly big obstacles) will prevail. Lets all pray together for this situation! Love you!