Tuesday, May 18, 2010

put your attention

a friend of mine always says, "put your attention" instead of pay attention. i love this phrase; it makes more sense to me and reminds me of her each time i use it. 

the past few years i have put a lot of attention towards politics. being one to get easily engrossed in things, i have found myself in a lot of heated conversations where i felt i must adamantly defend or explain my liberal ideals. sometimes my impulsiveness gets the best of me and i say things that are upsetting to people who matter a lot to me. at the end of the day it is just politics and those people are people i love. but i go to bed with a heavy heart, knowing i caused the rift in my life with my wagging tongue. and then all my attention for the next few days it put towards questioning and doubt, about who i have become--a person that doesn't always let love rule in my heart.

this past week it went a little further, my political obsession crept in between brandon and i. for the most part we are agreeable about politics {or else he is fearful to say otherwise, which is more terrifying to me than disagreeing!}, but this week it came out the he was less-than-thrilled {great euphemism, eh?} about some recent events where i made my political ideology known. mostly he was upset because how i expressed myself wasn't respectful, to someone he and i both have heaps of respect for. it got a bit worse, but this blog isn't titled "airing our dirty laundry" so i won't divulge those details. i did, however, go to bed each night with a progressively heavier heart.

i came across a great quote this afternoon that put it all in perspective for me. their rule [the radio] is: no silence ever. when anything happens the commentator has to speak without a moment's pause for gathering wisdom. falsehood and inanity are preferable to silence... the talkers are rising above the thinkers*. perhaps this is the lesson i need to learn: to avoid failing to gather wisdom before talking. and to put my attention to love, not devisiveness. 

{none of this comes from a place of feeling the need to be quiet or complacent. i will continue to speak out on issues that matter, but i hope to think before speaking and to let love be the guiding force, not politics. sorry, this feminist liberal isn't going anywhere soon.}

*barbara kingsolver, the lucuna.

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