doubt and certainty

i can't speak for brandon on matters of faith. i can only speak for me and at times i don't even feel so confident about that. either way, doubt has been the theme for our house the past few years. i see it with my friends too, especially the ones that went to christian university. perhaps it has to do with leaving that community and facing the real world? for me it feels like it has to do a lot more with the way nothing can be proven. not even gravity or the age of the earth, and especially not heavenly beings. 

yet, i have a lot more faith in things that are scientifically "supported" than most of what i learned in church. i can't help myself but question how and why the traditions of christianity have continued, despite the fact that a lot of those things are oppressive. 

i also get frustrated by the way people intervene with god. i suppose i could say that about most things that start out pure, be it god or nature: it seems like we people just go and muddy up the waters with our "needs" and "knowledge". anyhow, i just doubt, doubt, doubt this whole religion thing. 

god? jesus? yeah, i still believe. would i jump up and say i am a christian? i don't think i would. but then i am not too certain about that either.

this quote gives me comfort:

doubt is uncomfortable; certainty is ridiculous. -voltaire

some of the blog readers will be bothered by these confessions, but honesty seems more important right now. for some reason i feel compelled to tell you, "have faith" but that seems like a bizarre comfort to offer.  

picture book

these photos are overdue, months overdue! unfortunately rodney couldn't be there for this photo shot, or even to see hogan and wyatt at christmas. we still had a great time watching the kids enjoy christmas and seeing papa have most of his family together was wonderful. i can't believe how tall my little brother and sister get each time i see them! 

wyatt usually makes a funny face in at least one of our family photos. i suppose it wouldn't be our annual christmas photo session if he was smiling in each picture.

these photos are far more recent...

our resident neighborhood fox. that is right folks, we have a fox that has been spending some quality time in "downtown" laramie.

brandon caught him last weekend on the playground at the school half a block from our house. he took harvey for a little frisbee action and found this guy there fighting off some crows. brandon suspects that people around here must feed him because he was altogether too comfortable around humans. we have been seeing so many fox in these parts lately.

this is the lovely amaryllis that i planted when we got back from our december road trip. it bloomed just in time for valentine's day and is making our house feel much more vibrant. 

other than that, we've been skiing a bit and mostly keeping our noses glued to computers or books. i was so wrong about this "free time" that i anticipated having as a student. yeah right! 

going hippie

we just joined a CSA, grant farms. i am really excited for the fruit that is coming our way this summer and suddenly concerned with the weather and growing season for northern colorado. initially i figured we would buy into the veggie shares, but then i realized that there are more vegetables on my "enemy list" than i would like admit. fruit though? i've never met a fruit i didn't like!

i can't wait for the summer to roll in with cherries, round out with apricots and nectarines, and finish off with oodles of apples. oh, and berries scattered all in between.

it came with a hefty price tag, at least that is what i thought originally. then i realized that it feels that way because you pay it all up front. plus we are going to have all kinds of delicious fruits that i would otherwise pass up at the farmers' markets. all it took to convince brandon was one word: pies!

as for eating our veggies, we can buy things we will actually eat at the farmers' market. i just don't want to deal with the pressure of beets staring back at me every week. fruit pressure seems much more bearable.

happy valentine's day yo!

i have always loved valentine's day--not for the sweetheart sentiments and romantic expectations, but because this is a holiday based almost entirely on greeting cards and chocolate: two of my favorite things. some people balk that it is just a way to force us to buy things from hallmark. let's face it though, we don't do enough handwritten greeting card giving these days so if a couple days a year we celebrate our love through clever cards, i think we are all the better off for it. besides, in some relationships, this might be the only day a year when romantic acts are done. luckily this is far from the case in my marriage.

the other thing about this holiday that the social worker in me loves it that all school children (who are allowed to celebrate valentine's day) are required to give equal treatment to their classmates. sure, i always saved the best cards to give to my bestest friend or to the cute boy in class, but the mandate to distribute your superficial greeting-card-love across the board seems unique to this holiday.

also, pink and red look good together. that color combo soothes me in these grey winter days. so valentine's day, i am glad you come around in the dead of winter to brighten our moods, bearing delicious sweets, and forcing us to share the love.